1. March 4, 1933: Inauguration Day. Franklin Roosevelt hypocritically overcomes debilitating fear of public speaking to assure country that “the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”
2. March 12, 1933: First Fireside Chat. FDR informs public of his plan to solve the nation’s bank crisis. Upon signing off, hosts weenie roast for cabinet members by same said fireside.
3. March 17, 1933: Franklin and Eleanor’s 28th wedding anniversary. Franklin swears he didn’t forget it and only didn't get Eleanor a present because “there’s a Depression going on.”
4. March 23, 1933: Prohibition repealed. The Brain Trust celebrates by getting smashed on Schlitz Malt Liquor.
5. March 31, 1933: Civilian Conservation Corps established. First task is ridding Secretary of the Interior Harold Ickes’ lawn of gophers.
6. April 6, 1933: Handicapped ramps installed at the White House. FDR finally able to sleep in Lincoln Bedroom rather than in Van Buren tool shed.
7. April 17, 1933: America abandons the gold standard. Franklin’s attempts to abandon the “wearing pants standard” at official state dinners are met with resistance.
8. May 2, 1933: Several “alphabet soup” agencies created, including the Public Works Administration (PWA), the Agricultural Adjustment Administration (AAA) and the National Adjusted Markets Business Loan Administration (NAMBLA).
9. May 18, 1933: Tennessee Valley Authority founded, bringing electricity and prosperity to Appalachia. Inbreeding rates remain unchanged.
10. May 30, 1933: White House movie night. Franklin and Eleanor take in King Kong. Afterwards, FDR declares a state of emergency and pledges unlimited federal aid to ensure New York is never again attacked by giant ape.
11. June 11, 1933: End of the First Hundred Days. FDR enjoys them so much he remains president for an additional 4323 days.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment